It’s Not All Fun and Games

Although we’ve purposely kept the tone of this book light and breezy and fun, the truth is, as we like to say here in Parentland, it’s not all fun and games. What we’re really asking you to do is take a good hard (hopefully!) look at yourself and your partner—to actively participate in the exercises and open this seriously sexless can of worms. Yes—It takes courage and strength to go there with us, but it’s worth it. As you read this book, you’ll learn what pitfalls to watch out for, what you can do to get sex going again, and hopefully, a little about yourself and each other that you didn’t know before.

Does one size fit all? Of course not. Our general format of having Heidi tell us “What Moms Want Dads to Know” and Ian speaking for the dads allows for fun personal sharing and plenty of spirited back and forth. But we know it’s a lot more complicated than just he said/she said. After all, sex after baby (or no sex after baby) is often an equal opportunity bummer. And while a fair portion of this book assumes that it’s the male partner who is sex-starved, plenty of couples find themselves dealing with the opposite. Other couples might not include any men or any women in them at all! We wrote this book based on some generalizations from what we’ve learned in our own lives and work. That doesn’t mean it will fit you exactly. But it is a place to get things started, a way to bring up topics we too often avoid looking at, the ones we too often brush under the rug and out of the way—until one day, whoops, we trip.

In this time of colic, it can feel like you’re headed for a lifetime of not getting it on. Our belief and experience says otherwise. We think you can get this jungle swinging once again. We think – no, we know -- it really is possible to do the hokey pokey and keep up the hanky panky. Or to read Hop on Pop, and then actually want to hop on pop. While we may reach this conclusion from very different perspectives at times, what we both agree on is that sex matters...a lot. Parents can give their children everything, but nothing is a substitute for parental happiness. And in our opinion, sex is the glue that holds couples together and keeps lovers from simply becoming roommates or co-parents. It’s also the good sticky stuff that dries up if left alone for too long. So here we are to help you keep things fluid out there, to take the charge out this once taboo issue, and put the charge back where it should be—in the bedroom.