OK, I’ll just say it. I’m freaked out by my wife’s breasts. She wanted me to kiss them and I was afraid of getting sprayed! Am I uptight?

Ian: While some guys are really into the idea of getting a sip of breast milk (there’s actually a whole porn industry based on lactating moms!), some guys want to stay away from the spray as much as possible. I happen to be in the latter category. I’ve always been really attracted to Lisa’s natural breast size and found the whole metamorphosis a little disconcerting—I didn’t find them nearly as sexy on her as everyone else seemed to find them. Maybe I just knew on some internal level that they weren’t mine anymore (for the time being at least).

Heidi: I’m right there with you, I’ve never enjoyed being part of the “bigger the better the tighter the sweater” club. They hurt my back, people stare—I used to enjoy jogging, but now that’s out of the question. I’m worried about knocking out innocent bystanders with these unwieldly kazongas. I’m like a giant boob ogre! Mwwhhahaha. Recently I even had to threaten a male friend that I was going to replace the cream in his White Russian with breastmilk if he didn’t stop ogling. But it’s really not his fault; my girlfriends are in awe of these bad girls of mine too. Maybe I should look into that lactating porn thing...as least I could make some money off these suckers. (No pun intended!)