In my mom’s group the women always talk about their lack of libido – I feel like a freak. MY libido is fine . . . better than ever actually. But what about when it’s the woman who wants sex – and the guy who is always “too tired”?

Heidi: Looking back to when my first daughter was young, I was definitely the one with the missing libido. But now, seven years and another baby later (what was I thinking!?), I’ve noticed how our roles have changed. While JB’s libido is still generally higher than mine, his seems to have gone down some and mine has gone up. More often than not, I’m the one initiating sex these days. Similarly, I used to be the one begging for him to share his feelings with me, but these days I’ve been taking on more of the traditional guy role – too often I hear myself saying, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Even in bed, our roles have changed; JB often wants to reach out to me and “make sweet love,” while I often just want to get fucked! Maybe it’s because I’m so darn busy these days, or maybe because all the hormones and pregnancies have shifted things around so much. Who knows? But either way, the point of all this oversharing? It’s to remind you that relationships in and out of bed aren’t static, they’re always changing and evolving – for the good and the bad and the just plain confusing. So don’t be afraid to break out of the structure we’ve set up and glean what works best for you and yours. Maybe you identify with the “dad” points in some of the chapters and the “mom” points in others. It’s all good. As long as it’s working toward the greater good—of having great sex again.