Once I made the decision to write Passionista, I stopped and listened to every guy who wanted to talk to me about sex. Every time I sat down with a guy for the first time, I always began with the same lead-in: “Tell me about the best sex you ever had.”

And boy did I get an earful. Not only did I hear about the best sex they ever had, more important I heard about the best sex they never had--experiences they always desired and fantasized about, but were afraid to share with their partners for fear of offending or seeming weird. I heard the question “am I normal?” so many times that I’m now convinced that when it comes to sex the only thing normal is that everyone’s different.

To really get to know a guy, you practically have to do a Freaky Friday: You have to wake up inside his skin, get inside his head, know what it feels like to have a penis, with all the fantasies, desires, fears, and anxieties that go along with it. So think of Part I of Passionista as your own personal Freaky Friday--the closest you'll ever want to come to waking up in a guy’s skin and knowing what truly makes him tick.

Great sex isn’t about techniques (knowing what works); it’s about knowing how and why it works. From the latest findings on the brain-chemistry of desire to the physiology of snuggling to a review of the three different types of erections all men experience, I’ll take you on a guided tour of his body, brain, and mind that will leave no nook or cranny unexplored.

Feel free to read Passionista in whatever manner you find comfortable, but if you’re inclined to skip Part I and go straight to the techniques in Part II, then I ask you first to consider a few simple questions:

o What’s the best sex toy money can’t buy?
o Name the three types of erections all men experience?
o Is your guy faking it? That’s right, faking it, and how do you know for sure?
o How can a properly administered pelvic massage actually help to lengthen your partner’s penis?
o If, as the poet Ogden Nash wrote, “candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker,” what are the brain’s natural sex-stimulants, and how do you get them flowing?
o What’s the difference between orgasm and ejaculation, and are the two inextricably linked?
o Do you know the difference between a “local” orgasm and a “global” one and how to stimulate the latter?

If you’re unsure about any of these important questions, then, in the spirit of She Comes First, think about postponing your immediate gratification and read Passionista from start to finish.

Let me be clear: Passionista is not an encyclopedia of sexual positions or a catalog of techniques and tips. I’m not out to give you an all-in-one, blow-by-blow (sorry, I couldn’t resist) reference guide, but rather a clear, concise, achievable vision of sexual pleasure, one in which each technique forwards the action, and where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

In the very first episode of Sex and the City, Carrie ruminates on whether, in an age when women often enjoy the same income, power, and success as men, can they also enjoy having sex like a man? While my knee-jerk response is yes, on second thought, I believe that today’s woman can do better. Rather than having sex like a man, she can teach her man how to have sex like a woman: How to make it more sensual, more intimate, more open and connected, and ultimately more pleasure-focused for both men and women than merely ejaculation-focused. That’s the path to real pleasure: not a single technique, but an approach to sexual contentment that inspires men to reach new levels of excitement, awareness, and intimacy.